“I SPEAK UP”
Over the past few years I’ve had many lessons and tests in confrontation in that I’ve needed to learn how to deal with them instead of just wanting to go and hide under a table! In fact, some of them are still ongoing! I was actually going to talk about how this is all connected to standing up for myself, but realised that certain events had been directed in a more specific manner, after all standing up for one’s self can be done in a manner of different ways other than vocalisation.
Speaking up. Vocalising. Putting actions, thoughts and/or emotions into words. And then actually letting them come out of your mouth. This is something I’ve always had a hard time doing. Much much easier to put thoughts onto paper, and then edit, re-read, and edit again before eventually sending off the final version. That way you get time to think, to hone and look at how your words may be interpreted from a more detached perspective. And much harder when you don’t have that time and space when words are being vocalised and someone else is opposite you listening and maybe not understanding you.
There can be many reasons why people find vocalisation hard… nervousness, unwanted blushing, stuttering and stammering, lack of coherence about what they want to talk about, worrying about how they might be perceived or how their words may be taken, being rejected, being judged or even avoidance of responsbility.
However, there can come a point when we know that something isn’t quite right and even if it’s hard to put into words, that gut feeling tells you that you just have to do something about it. And if it’s hard to put into words then it is likely to be even harder to get your point, feelings and specific meaning across to the other person. And for me, once you know you have to do something… and actually go to do it… then there’s the responsibility bit. Because words do have power. Saying words out loud is an action all of it’s own… and will then, just like the ripples on a pond… cause a reaction. Which means we have to look to our inner core, trust that we are saying the right thing (for us) for the right reasons… and be as open as we can on the matter… and ultimately, then take the responsibility for whatever happens as a result.
That responsibility… or “consequences”… is one of the things that has held me back in the past, for many different reasons… emanating from many different experiences over a long period of time… but one thing I have learnt (which, of course, doesn’t mean to say it will hold true for others)… is that when I speak up for myself, speak my truth… then not only am I being authentic… I am also being pro-active… and I’m also releasing fear, worry and a burden that I’d been carrying.
I hope that if others find speaking up scary, difficult or hard… that they may be able to look within themselves and find out the reason why… and then help themselves to stand up for themselves in this way. With practice, with love and with authenticity. Baby step by baby step.
Wishing you a wonderful week ahead ♥
© 2012 Michelle Payne