A change in direction

30/12/2019

The end of the year, and of the 2010s decade. How quickly has that passed? The end of a year usually means a time of reflection of the months that have passed, what has been achieved, what hasn’t… which then usually leads to resolutions promised for changes to be made… often relating to health, home and career. Some of these will happen, many won’t (gym membership anyone?)… disappearing into the ether of time, along with any sense of strong willpower. When it coincides with a new decade, that can often be a springboard for deeper introspection and evaluation of this thing we call Life.

And so it is with this blog. I originally set it up when I was finishing my night school education to become a mental health therapist/counsellor. What a great privilege that has been. To sit with clients, to listen and hear their stories… to be allowed to walk alongside their personal journeys and to share in their challenges, struggles and successes as they forged forwards, with many a bittersweet moment as sessions finished and goodbyes were said when it was time for them to move on. In that time I also changed my direction in sports, and surprisingly found I enjoyed the challenge of running long distance. Unfortunately time did not permit the two to co-exist alongside the demands of a full-time job with a long commute. Something had to give, and that was the counselling, although I’m not ruling out a potential return to it one day, or to something along the lines of goal-orientated life coaching. Never say never. šŸ˜‰

There has been a lot in the press over the last year regarding women and their place in the world, not only with regard to our “rights” but also how we are not following previous generations in how to live our lives as we age. When I was growing up it was common for my grandmother’s generation to have to give up work when they got married, where when she was born, women did not have the right to vote; for my mother’s generation to work until they had children and then stay home. For my generation, most women I know have always worked, whether that be full or part-time, depending on financial constraints and necessities (such as childcare).

I’m now of the generation that is not bound by the patterns of the past, where “middle-age” is no longer seen to be for those who have reached 40 plus… and where once when you reached 50, Life was only on a decline towards the very end (my mother once described to me… I’m nearer death than further away from it… how morbid)… now we are no longer confined by others’ expectations and beliefs of how we should act, where we should go, who we should be… rather, we are open to travel and exploration of what Life has to offer… to ideas that inspire us… to delicious opportunities and adventures that beckon…

And this is where I find myself… looking to try new things, travel to new places… to share these things with friends and loved ones, to challenge myself and to maybe… hopefully… inspire others and pass on some ideas through this website of my own experiences and adventures as an older woman.

So this website/blog will be getting a new design and a new name, although I’m keeping my old domains due to the posts I already have on this blog. If there are any subjects that you want to be discussed on here, experiences or places reviewed, please either add as a comment to this post or send me a message from the contact page.

Wishing you all a wonderful and prosperous New Year, as well as an exciting and adventurous decade ahead!
Michelle

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Out of the Comfort Zone – Spine Challenger

11/01/2017

Within anything there can come a time when you wonder ā€œwhat nextā€. That can apply to your job, your home, your relationships… we get comfortable where we are, we feel safe… the parameters are pretty much ā€œknownā€. It can be good to stay here to absorb everything we’ve learnt in life, to enjoy, to rest… but what about if you want ā€œmoreā€ā€¦ if you want to challenge what you’ve become accustomed to, want to grow… well beyond that ā€œknownā€ā€¦ that’s when you go out of your comfort zone.

Change …Ā It’s scary

Out of the comfort zone is not supposed to feel warm and snuggly and known. It’s most likely going to feel uncomfortable, hard… awkward… it’s going to trigger a whole heap of negativity as well. It can trigger self-doubt, anxiety, fear (whether that be emotional, mental, physical)… it makes you question what you’re doing, why you’re doing it… and all of this can mean we can set ourselves up to ā€œfailā€ā€¦ it’s too hard, too scary… the goal might not be achievable… it’s easier to stay where we are… it’s where we feel strong and not weak, safe and not vulnerable…

And so it was that I decided to sign up for another race which would be a challenge. After all, if that’s what clients can do as I sit alongside them as their counsellor on their personal journeys… how can I not challenge myself from time to time, albeit in my own way? Walk my talk as it were… and in this case, it’s going to be quite literally! I’ve run in a bit of heat, and I’ve run (ok there was a lot of walking šŸ˜€ ) some long distances over the past few years. It’s been quite a journey. To go out of my “known” zone now, I need to do something I’ve not done before, and aim for something that may not be possible. After all, you can’t know what you don’t know (thank you Tom Jones for that little gem!).

I now find myself facing the very daunting task of setting foot on the start line of The Spine Challenger this weekend – have a look at http://thespinerace.com/msc/.

spine

For those that haven’t heard of this, it’s the first 108 miles of the Pennine Way, in the UK. In winter. It’s the ā€œsmallerā€ aka baby version of the main ā€œSpine Raceā€ which is the full Pennine Way of 268 miles. Now that’s a crazy race!! This should be sane by comparison right? I don’t do cold. I don’t like being cold. I’m one of the first to get the scarf and gloves out and layer up for the commute to work and one of the last to let them go. To willingly go into a cold race where risks include hypothermia (very common), ice burns on skin and frozen corneas (yep one guy was medically removed from the race for this I believe), where the temperatures are going to drop below freezing, where you could be wading or falling waist deep in snow… and do all that over 108 miles… it sounds pretty terrifying. An attritional hike is how one friend described it. And that’s without the sleep deprivation! You get 60 hours to complete the race, and that sounds way more than enough. It’s not. People DNF on the cut-offs due to the terrain, and the risks already mentioned. I’ve heard for the main Spine Race, one winner didn’t sleep for 2-3 days. How is that even possible?

The stats for Spine Challenger are:

Distance: 172km
Ascent: 5637m
Descent: 5636m
Max elevation: 695m (Pen y Ghent)

There is one checkpoint at 73.9km in. You have to run with a pack with a lot of mandatory equipment, which is due to the safety requirements (I’m dreaming of around 6kg at the moment) – haven’t dared weigh my pack properly because I know it’s likely to be much heavier, and am just praying I can get everything in. I may have to sit on it as I did with my suitcase for the dropbag stuff. I’m not even sure if there are a couple of points for water… the streams are going to come in handy, as is the water filter I rapidly bought – there’s a lot of sheep out on those hills.

Did I mention the route marking? There is none. This is a national trail and you have to navigate, map and compass. Handheld GPS is also required, and often needed due to the fact you could be on a whiteout on some of the ā€œhillsā€ and can’t see the occasional flagstones or ā€œtrail pathā€ā€¦ or pretty much anything to be honest!

Kinder Scout – Peak District South 2 North, Ranger Ultras
Photo credit: Peter Owen

A lot of runners who enter this race have either years of running experience or a background of being outdoors, hiking, mountaineering, love the cold etc… so how does a townie with only a few years of running prepare for something they know nothing about? I take you back to the post about accessing your tool box or “kit list” (which can be found here). So in this case it’s:

Physical:
Training – sessions with my coach and following my training schedule that he writes for me
Testing kit – there’s a lot of kit, and then there’s even more. You need to test what you’re going to be using in as similar conditions as possible
Recce – checking the route you will be running, although it could look a lot different depending on the weather conditions

Pyschological:
Goal – you have to know what you’re aiming for and set a realistic goal
Expectations – modifying these as you learn
Self-awareness – know your weaknesses and strengths and how to minimise/utilise to your best advantage

Knowledge:
Past experience – use what you already have as a foundation
Learn – get help where you feel you have weaknesses

Emotional:
Support – ensure you have the right support around you, from those you learn from to those in your inner circle as it were
Positivity – if you’re around people who bring you down, how will that help you? Be around those who encourage, want the best for you
Drive – call it what you will… the human spirit… a yearning… a chest-thumping feeling in the very heart of your self… that call to adventure… it’s what can carry you through some of the dark parts…

My coach has been fantastic with numerous pep talks and encouragement, and he (alongside others) have also reminded me about the positive skills I have from the past (basic navigation and first aid (should the worst happen) from the Army, albeit a few decades ago), just over 3.5 years of running, 3 stage races… numerous other ultras/challenges… I’ve also finished two Centurion Running 100 milers now so it’s only (ha!) another 6ish miles longer than my longest race. I’m also hoping to run this alongside one of my tentmates from the Marathon des Sables (he couldn’t get time off to do the full one, crazy man!). I have the experience of few severe ā€œhillsā€ from a recent race which I didn’t finish: the CCC (more on that in another post).

The Spine Race also hosts a training weekend so I trotted along to the Peak District for that, where I met some really great people for the first time and got the chance to catch up with another MdS tentmate who’s doing the full race. They had various speakers (Richard Lendon in particular stuck in my head – ā€œit’s not a raceā€ complete with pictures of several full Spine Race starts where he’s flying over the start line!) over the weekend, plus the chance to get out on a nearby training loop, and where they test you on a variety of skills (such as bivvying out, distance & timing, the use of your stove – I think I nearly blew mine up – first time I’d used it *oops*). The coordinator for the Spine safety team (Stu Westfield) also hosts races, training, and guides expeditions, see here for his website. His courses includes Spine specific ones. Due to my nervousness and lack of experience especially around navigation, I wanted to attend these, but unfortunately time and travel didn’t allow. However there’s usually a second option, and in this case I booked Stu for a 1-2-1 over two days up in the Peak District. This was very good and I can’t recommend highly enough for anyone considering doing the same. Usually you’d go away after a day of full on navigation and absorb before going back and putting into practice, but I didn’t have that option. So the second day out, the aim was to move and navigate a lot faster. Which it was. Although compared to most, I’m probably still extremely snail-like šŸ˜€ But that, combined with Stu’s everlasting patience, meant that I got the train home feeling more confident, and meant some of the more ā€œnegative voicesā€ were being drowned out. Every little helps!

Fast forward two weeks, and there was a race to be used as a ā€œtraining runā€ – the Peak District South 2 North, which is a 100k self-navigational race over two days. A local running friend who has also signed up for Challenger had highlighted this to me a while back, so I agreed to run the second day (Dark Peak Challenge) with him as it was on most of the route for Challenger. However two days before the race, he had to pull out due to injury, so I trotted off on my own. Daunting wasĀ an understatement. It was an utter and complete wake-up call, plus the weather was so bad that they had to abandon the wilderness sections and we followed just the Pennine Way. Over 13 hours to get through less than 29 miles, lack of visibility, waist deep snow in parts, icy rocks, windy, not much to run on and no lovely flagstones in sight. See the picture above for the beginning up on Kinder! There was also lots of falling over, breaking new trail, sliding down parts on my backside for safety and at one point in the dark we got lost and ended up on the edge of what appeared an abyss… looking down into a sheer drop of blackness. I refused to go down for fear of injury and never getting back up! Thanks to the navigationĀ skills of the guys I was with, we ended up contouring round and got to where we needed to be. When I say huge wake-up call, what I really mean is had I done this before signing up to Challenger… I wouldn’t be hitting the start line on Saturday because I would never have signed up for it! So for anyone who wants a ā€œtasterā€ be sure to try Stu’s race first!

Another tool that was due to be added into my ā€œtoolboxā€ was a recce on course, however the person I was meant to be going with, and who would be driving, dropped out. Extortionate train fares (everyone in the UK would probably nod their heads in agreement at that description)… meant I then had to forgo this, so instead I figured some more nav awareness would be key. Luckily the director of a race I did only a month earlier, and who coincidentally is also on the Spine safety team, lives not too far a distance from me. If you’re in the Essex area you have probably already come across, or heard of, Lindley Chambers of Challenge Running. Lindley came down and helped me to work out how to use my handheld GPS, how to load up the gpx files, and how to plot some of my own basic courses. Highly recommend his tuition, which can be booked via his website. Unfortunately I’ve not had much time to practice with it, but again… every little helps and you have to start somewhere!

And then there’s support: well as I mentioned earlier, I’m planning on doing this challenge with my tentmate from MdS, James (front of picture)… and there will also be two others doing the full Spine (Lee (behind me) and Gwynn (number 501)) so hopefully we will get the chance to catch up pre-race…

329Half of Tent 117, Start Line
Charity stage – 30th Marathon Des Sables 2015
Photo copyright: Michelle Payne

… and The Spine is up North… not too far from where a certain incorrigible person lives, who helped to start me on this whole ultra running lark. Had I not had Helen’s support in Sierra Leone (and encouragement to switch races), who knows whether I’d have moved up to ultras at all! She and her other half are coming down to see us off the start line, and (hopefully) over the finish line. Then there’s all the others who have helped and encouraged along the way, fellow competitors who have emailed and offered advice and help… this race creates a family where everyone wants everyone else to do their best, and do not hesitate to look after each other (and rescue them *eek*) when things get bad!

So now race day approaches rapidly. Reality is kicking in especially when it comes to expectations. Doing the PS2N means I am being very realistic about chasing cut-offs yet again, the wake-up call regarding terrain was much needed however as we are now only days away, there isn’t much more that can be added into the toolbox. The weather is predicted to be snowy, wet, gale force winds, black ice, gnarly, boggy and with plummeting temperatures… aka a nasty start. Winter on the Pennines… why would you expect anything else šŸ˜‰

For anyone that wants to track some sane (Challenger) and crazy (Full Spine) racers, check out http://spine.opentracking.co.uk/race/ – it starts with the Challenger on Saturday at 0800 hours, and the full Spine on Sunday! I’ve already started carb-loading… or as one friend literally said to me this afternoon when she read my draft post… ā€œHave you ever stopped!ā€ā€¦ how rude šŸ˜€

When it comes to goals… to challenges…

Dare to dream it, plan it… learn, grow… you never know where one decision may take you… just who you might inspire… who might think that ā€œbecause she or he can ā€œdo itā€, so could Iā€.

Challenger start line… here I come! Please don’t be too cold…

Wishing you a great week ahead šŸ™‚
Michelle


Adventure, Change and a new Challenge – The Marathon Des Sables (30th Edition)

22/04/2015

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Adventure.

Change.

Possibilities.

Experiencing.

Adventure can be so addictive. Once we learn to open our minds, our eyes, our thoughts and our self to new beliefs, cultures, experiences… we will never be the same again. Should we be? After all, aren’t we, as humans meant to change? If we weren’t, we would never develop beyond the mindset of a baby and our species would not have survived as it has. We are surely not meant to stay stuck at the ages of (for example) 1, 7, 15, 21, 30, 42, 55, 60 and beyond: either physically, mentally or emotionally… and what about the the human motivation to achieve self-actualisation, as described by Abraham Maslow… he who has been quoted as saying: “One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.ā€ where to grow means to experience…

Everything we experience has the capacity to change us. IF we let it. There can be so many reasons why people don’t change, and I encounter a lot of these within my counselling practice, but if we allow it, if we embrace it, if we look to use what we find as a tool for opening our self, our minds, bodies and hearts, then how can that not be an overall positive way to look at, and live, LIFE?

“It” being CHANGE.

Change can be scary, it can be exciting, exhilarating even… especially for the adrenaline junkies out there who do crazy things like jump out of aeroplanes… ultrarunners at least have their feet on the floor šŸ˜‰ … and change can come in many forms, not just travel (although isn’t that a great way to find new things!).Ā  It can be from confronting fears, from changing how you dress, trying new things… from the repercussions of others’ behaviours… by choosing to do things differently, we lift ourselves out of our comfort zone… we “challenge” ourselves. Our reactions and responses to such challenges can teach us so much… not just about others although you can tell a lot about someone by how they treat you… but about who we are, who we want to be and what we want our lives to be like!

Last year I finished my back-to-back stage runs and completed the challenge I had set out to achieve, but all the while I was training forĀ that challenge, the words muttered at the beginning of my journey in Sierra Leone, kept repeating.Ā The suggestion of the Marathon des Sables.

I’d gone to the website, looked it up and felt fear. It’s an iconic race. It has a fierce reputation. It has its’ detractors too… those who call it a “fun run in the sun” as has apparently been said to people I’ve met… and for some I’m sure it is. For those with years of experience and adventure and endurance.Ā But 155 miles across the Western Sahara of Morocco, self supported and in temperatures of up to 50 degrees celsius or more… the race that inspired all of the others you now see across the world… “how hard can it be” echoed once more. As I’ve already blogged, entries for 2015 were not open and I had to wait. I figured, get the others done, see what you’re dealing with and whether you even like it.

Only… entries became available before that happened. What to do?

With the advance notification process engaged, the day of applying dawned… time for a decision and no more sitting on the fence talking about “what if’s”… I had to make a choice.

If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way.
If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.
~~ Jim Rohn ~~

So 4 tabs open on the computer 10 minutes before entry… refreshing, constantly. The form came up. It got completed… 2 minutes later email confirmation came through. I had my spot. All UK entries were gone within 12 minutes. I prayed I’d enjoy the other stage runs, otherwise this could be a very expensive lesson I’d have to learn from. I then concentrated on the challenge at hand, which I’ve already blogged about.

For anyone interested in reading about that, posts can be found here.

Coming home from America, with the amount of mileage and training I’d put in over that 18 month period to date meant there was a price to pay. Achilles tendinopathy and in my case, lovely thickening… probably permanent. Weeks and probably months of rest was what I needed to fully heal but with an Ultra already booked in some weeks ahead, IĀ took 2 weeks then returned to the gym. Cue excruciating pain and 4 weeks of no running…Ā cross training became the way to go so as not to lose all fitness, followed by two weeks of easy running before hittingĀ the planned Ultra (you really do have to feel sorry for my coach – this was against his advice, as well as my sports therapist). A 50K I vastly underestimated even though it’s billed as a double your marathon time and add a bit more on… I’d also encouraged a friend to do this even though their longest race was 15 miles to that point. We “got it done”, and within the cut off… but this was not a wise move and indeed a very valuable lesson learned – listen to the Coach and Sports Therapist in future – they’re there to help you!

So how do you train for an event that’s on another continent, that’s going to be so much hotter than the ones you’ve already done, and over long distances again… all while you’re in the UK in the midst of winter and have a job (or two) to fit in?

You get a schedule, you stick to it as best as possible. You get a coach if possible, and have regular sports / leg massages. You run… a lot. You run long easy runs on both days of the weekends, and for this event, I also walked. Given the terrain of sand, sand and more sand… with my lack of experience, and the blistering from Madagascar that was still healing, expecting to walk parts was vital.Ā Expecting for and training with that in mind would help the mental strength too. You also run with a weighted pack… starting small and building the weight. Given my pack had been 10.9kg without water in America, I went up to 11.2kg in training this time using a tip from a Hong Kong runner… packs of rice! I tried firewood to start with but that added to the chafing… you might want to avoid that one!

You comb the kit list and try and test everything. Luckily I had already gone through this with the other events so had a very good idea of what worked for me. Anything I wasn’t sure about, I rang my tentmate. Call it luck if you will, but another member of my running club was also doing this event and not only that, she was an experienced ultra runner,Ā had completed MdS three years previously with her husband and is a very kind person who always stops to help others if she can. It just happens that they alsoĀ own the shop I had gotten my previous stage racingĀ kit from, and they are only round the corner (check out their shop here)!

One thing I hadn’t thought about until it was too late was heat training.Ā Kingston University was not only fully booked up but the cost of full sessions would be another added expense. They don’t charge huge amounts but costs do start to stack up with training, coaching, massage, kit and then this! Once again my soon-to-be tentmate stepped into the breach.Ā  As it had a treadmill and bike, she offered to share sessions with me.Ā  Due to time constraints I couldn’t accept all, but managed to fit in 2 x 2 hour sessions: very helpful and informative and I really recommend these for anyone who is planning on desert races.

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Another thing that can bring reassurance pre-event is sorting out tentmates.Ā  Tents are grabbed on a first come, first served basis.Ā  If you organise through friends of friends, then you can meet up beforehand and/or connect through social media. As my tentmate already knew me, she invited meĀ to share with a group that was forming, and I’m so very glad I said Yes! I had the opportuity to meet one person at the shop, and then two others at a race in January – for those in the UK, the Country to Capital 45 is a great race that a lot of people use as a training run for MdS.

You will then go through the nightmare that is known as Hell aka getting your medical certificate signed and an ECG print out!Ā  Unfortunately GPs are not often well versed in sports medicine. An ECG can show little anomalies which will mean your GP refusing to sign your medical certificate and you having to rush off for an urgent appointment to get a heart ultrasound. Naturally I was one such lucky person :/ You can only get your medical certificate signed after a set date. This will allow around 3 weeks of torture. It states in the UK rules that you need both ECG and medical certificate signed, dated and stamped. I was very lucky that the cardiologist I saw didn’t mind my frantic phone calls, leaving signed documents to be stamped at the last minute and didn’t charge extra. There is obviously the need for safety – no GP will want to send you off to the middle of the desert if you have a potential problem but when you run ultramarathons and have a very low pulse rate which can show as incomplete ECGs, not all GPs will understand this. So for those runners that read this with a future event in mind, if you can get a free ECG done well in advance to set your mind at ease that you are ok at present (it obviously doesn’t eliminate future problems), I would advise doing it if possible. I would also advise checking GP prices. Some lucky people (aka not me) get theirs free.Ā  Some not so lucky people (again, not me) get charged a fee… some very lucky people (yes, this would be me) get charged a high fee! For every single certificate! I could have had a basic holiday for the price of 3 certificates, I jest not.

You will then come to the final few weeks and hopefully tapering on your running… this should be an enjoyable phase, after all what could go wrong? Unfortunately due to all the aforementioned plus the unknown, or even known for returnees… you will start to wonder if you need to adjust your nutrition, try something new (don’t do it!!)… change pack, change trainers… hopefully you will already have had the velcro stitched for your gaiters… you will re-weigh… everything! Especially food. You may need to go buy more if you snack on any treats you pack (this was me, several times)…

But this is part of the path… part of the journey that is known as the Marathon des Sables… surely the race would be the reward… after all, how hard could it be?

Ā© April 2015 Michelle Payne


Challenge 3 of 3 – Grand2Grand Ultra – Arrival

22/03/2015

Life has been so hectic that I’ve not really had enough spare time to just sit down and post about the last part of my Triple Continent Challenge.

Last, but by no means least!

GRAND TO GRAND ULTRA
http://www.g2gultra.com

Mostly this was due to the fact that after Madagascar, I had such little time between the two events… 15 days from finish line in Madagascar to start line at the edge of the North Rim of the Grand Canyon, and that was to include work, flying time as well as a couple of days acclimatisation in Kanab, Utah. So, how to sum up such an Adventure?

Some words and phrases I associate with Grand2Grand or g2g as it’s more commonly known:

amazing
inspiring
iconic
bloody hard
a once in a lifetime experience
growth
change
camaraderie
pain
fun
adventure
challenging
sand
sand
more sand
how far to the next checkpoint
are we there yet
more sand
HEART
SOUL
LOVE
FRIENDSHIP

The premise, 273km from the North Rim of the Grand Canyon up to the Grand Staircase, carrying everything you need for the week in a pack on your back. When I signed up I didn’t have much knowledge as to what ultrarunners did… I thought they all did these stage races, so why not do two. How hard could it be? I really must learn not to ask that question in future! The answer is usually: A LOT!

A group of us who had met up previously, gathered at the Airport and celebrated the start of this journey with a few glasses of champagne: not your usual liquid of choice for hydration but it worked just fine at that point šŸ™‚

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Of course, runners adapt when a sudden dash onto the plane is needed and the bottle isn’t empty… (disclaimer: not naming and shaming, but this isn’t my bottle!)…

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On arrival in Kanab, the residents were fantastic: we were not only warmly welcomed but very kindly looked after during the few days we spent there pre-race: a flight over the town (thanks Dave), sports massage (thanks Marilyn) and a visit to a local animal sanctuary – the Best Friends Animal Sanctuary. Now I missed the animal sanctuary visit and really wish I had been able to get there, probably one of only two regrets I have from the trip but I will definitely be visiting the next time I’m in Kanab because the work they do is absolutely amazing. Check out: http://bestfriends.org/ – they are a leader in the no-kill movement and their sanctuary is one of the USA’s largest animal rescue organisations!!

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Kit and paperwork checks were completed in Kanab with a fab final meal catered and then the next day it was out to the first camp at the edge of the Grand Canyon. Words do not do the land justice. Pictures do not do it justice. The photos I have from that day show me stood at the edge but they just cannot convey the sheer scale, size and feeling of actually being there. The only way to feel it is to go there!

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The feeling of excitement was palpable throughout the camp, from the moment we all arrived in jeeps, to getting our kit organised and space chosen in our tents on that first night, to having a catered last supper right there in the middle of nowhere… absolutely superb!

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What a view!

And then storm clouds appeared… cue a sudden dash for tents! Ā Luckily it passed as quickly as it arrived but I did wonder if that was a portent of things to come. Ā Event, course, safety and medical talks were given and then as it darkened it was time to get some sleep. Ā Until I realised a group of people had converged amid some squeaks… now I had heard there were creepy crawlies… what I hadn’t expected was a huge furry tarantula! Ā Actually I felt sorry for the poor thing… there it sat on the sandy ground encircled by huge humans shining their headtorches onto it… until it moved and then I scampered back to my tent promptly… double-checking the base of the tent was secured against entry should it, or its’ friends, decide to invade!

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Finally Stateside… and the adventure was about to begin…

Check back to hear how it went!
Michelle

Ā© March 2015 Michelle Payne


Song of the Week

12/10/2014

Paul Weller – You Do Something To Me


A Life to Create

23/07/2014

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A Life to Create

How hard can it be
to relax and let go
to say that’s enough
there’s nothing to prove
or put on show?

There is a time to push
to strive for more
but also a time to stop
to say No
I’m feeling too raw

To soften doesn’t equate to being weak
it can remove inner barriers
open your mind
help you find answers that you seek

Being hard doesn’t equate
to always being strong
There’s no specific line
No definitive right or wrong

So much in this life
we are told that we need
but what is your soul crying out for?
On what does it feed?

Money
Results
Work done at high speed
Or is it just
that your soul
needs you to see
the self laid open
Flying free?

But in this life
many don’t seem to care
so how can you trust
open up
share?

Where do you sit
What could you shift
What do you want to change
and within what range
between the one sideĀ ofĀ hard
and the other of soft
where you don’t have to fear
being scoffed

What step can you take
to give yourself a break
to let go of anger
of judgement
of self hate?

Which could lead
to a chance
to begin again
where self-acceptance
is no longer in vain

For new decisions to make
A life chosen
A life you can create.

Words Ā© June 2014 Michelle Payne
PictureĀ found circulating freely online


Affirmation of the Week

31/12/2012

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“I AM OPEN TO NEW POSSIBILITIES”

And so we hit the last day of 2012 which heralds another week beginning, as does another month and another year… that’s a lot of new beginnings!

Celebrate endings – for they precede new beginnings.
~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie ~

I don’t know how anyone reading this blog is feeling (please feel free to post a comment and share), but I’ve definitely felt a shift of energy as we’ve moved towards this new year. Lots of change has been happening which has been accompanied by the usual increase in intensely vivid dreams (always an indicator of change for me) and a feeling of needing to declutter and simplify… again. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve got that much left to throw out *grin*.

So yet again, a time to move forward, and of course, once we have decided what we can, or indeed, must… leave behind… that will then create a gap for something new to come in. However, rather than attempt to draw something specific in, that fits a *perfect* criteria… I thought this affirmation was great for helping to keep our hearts and minds open to all possibilities… without judgement, without expectation… after all, it’s all very well to hope for something, but if we determine beforehand every single option, then that’s actually kinda rigid thinking don’t you think? Though do feel free to disagree with my train of thought šŸ™‚

Whatever you want in life, start today.
Not tomorrow – today.
Let it be a small beginning – a tiny beginning.
Your happiness depends on starting today – every day.
~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie ~

Of course we may not know what *new* things we want to accomplish, we may not even have a goal in sight at present, but by being open to possibilities, we open our awareness to the opportunities that may present themselves, so we don’t have to know these things. It is, in fact, enough just to be open, to take one baby step at a time… to have trust that we will know when a possibility presents itself, to believe that something will actually turn up… to have faith that yes, we will then know what to do. Ā One step at a time. And each step along the way will constitute a journey that one day we will look back on and see how far we have come. Ā Of course, it may be a bit easier if hindsight were to accompany us from the start, but alas it insists it will only appear further down our path!

Anyway, a new year lies ahead, one that is filled with new days which can bring anything and everything into our lives… I know I don’t want to limit what those possibilities are, and I know I want my heart to be open to them. Ā Do you?

I am the New Year
~ Author unknown ~

Life, I am the new year.
I am an unspoiled page in your book of time.
I am your next chance at the art of living.
I am your opportunity to practice
what you have learned about life
during the last twelve months.

All that you sought
and didn’t find is hidden in me,
waiting for you to search it out
with more determination.

All the good that you tried for
and didn’t achieve
is mine to grant
when you have fewer conflicting desires.

All that you dreamed but didn’t dare to do,
all that you hoped but did not will,
all the faith that you claimed but did not have –
these slumber lightly,
waiting to be awakened
by the touch of a strong purpose.

I am your opportunity
to renew your allegiance to Him who said,
‘behold, I make all things new.’
I am the new year.

Affirmation questions to consider for this week are:

What do you want to leave behind?
How can you stay open to all possibilities?
How open is your heart?
How much do you trust in opportunities becoming available?
What positive step forward can you take right now?
What would you like to dream into existence today?

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead ♄

Image origin: Unknown

Ā© 2012 Michelle Payne


Kiva – Loans that change lives!

08/12/2012

kiva

Charitable Organisations

One thing I’m looking to create on this website is the Resources section which will include, among many companies, the charities and/or organisations that I personally support… and yes, that does mean with a regular financial contribution.Ā Ā Each one has an ethos that I absolutely admire… contributing to society with effects that ripple out and touch others’ lives across the world, not just for today… but for generations to come.

Each one also epitomises the ethic that I have as my byline… helping others to help themselves.

The first one I’m blogging about is Kiva.

So what’s it about? Ā Kiva is basically a non-profit organisation that, through the use of the internet worldwide, gets everyday people like you and I, to club together and each lend a very small sum of money to people or groups across the world in third-world countries. Ā As is stated on their website:

“We envision a world where all people
– even in the most remote areas of the globe
– hold the power to create opportunity
for themselves and others.”

I say lend because the money is repaid to you. Ā Yes, there is a risk of default. Ā Yes this happened to me ONCE. Ā I’ve been a member since October 2007 and have made 17 loans so far. Ā So considering those stats, once isn’t bad at all, especially when you consider how volatile some of these countries are. Ā And of course, once that money has been repaid to you, you can re-lend it to someone else. Ā It’s not just individuals either, there are also groups which get together, who commit to paying back whatever they borrow as a team, so if one person gets into difficulty, they all step in and help out.

So why do I do it? Ā 

Because I can. Ā Because I have choice in my life. Ā Because at the end of the day I believe in walking my talk, not just talking it. Ā 

I believe that if we are in a position to help others without detriment to ourselves, then not onlyĀ do we have the opportunity before us that will help us to grow, learn and evolve, but that morally, we should.Ā  Not by saying the right things, not by putting a plaster over a wound, but instead by choosing to be part of something that empowers people, that allows them to make choices for themselves, that yes, they have to work for and will take the responsibility for of their choices and actions. Ā To actively help to bring about positive change in others’ lives.Ā  This of course is my personal belief,Ā what anyoneĀ else thinks and eventually acts on, is down to their own choices, beliefs and ultimately, their responsibility.

No, I may not know what actually happens in someone’s life as a result of my actions in “contributing”, no I won’t get (or expect) any kudos for this… but since everything we do, think about and respond to, ripples out and affects others’ lives, isn’t it good to know that you’re actually a part of something bigger than yourself, that you are doing something and that that may bring survival, hope, joy, happiness or even just a roof over someone’s head… and for that, $25.00 is a very small price to pay!

What’s stopping you from helping another?

Kiva’s website can be found by clicking here. Ā If you are already a member, please do share with us your thoughts on the organisation, and if you choose to join, let us know why šŸ™‚

Namaste

Ā© 2012 Michelle Payne


Affirmation of the Week

23/07/2012

“I WELCOME SOMETHING NEW INTO MY LIFE”

Change… it’s scary… so we resist… yet unless we want our general life or self to be the same in another year, 5 years or even 10 years time… change has to happen. Now, I’m a fan of integrating things fully which then necessitates moving slowly… as I was told a few years ago, you can’t rush or miss out certain steps, as they will only re-appear at a later date… so this affirmation isn’t just about changing a thought pattern, it’s actually also a physical change!!! Yes, very often everyone at some point in their lives will need to change a thought pattern, will need to continuously repeat it mentally in order for it to take hold… but some things actually need us to physically DO!

I believe that thoughts have energy… when we think something, we are sending that energy out into the world, and then generally reaping its’ reward… and for Ā affirmations that’s good… however we can wish, hope, affirm and pray all the most wonderful thoughts in the world… but if we want new, we have to help ourselves physically too… we can create change, we can bring in new and wonderful opportunities into our lives, but some of them require physical action… there’s no point in wishing for a new door to open in front of us if we don’t actually step through it… we can ask the Angels, Gods, Goddesses, Guides, Helpers (or whatever higher deity you happen to believe in) for their help but in this world, on this plane, we also have to physically help ourselves!

This doesn’t have to be a big change… in fact, big changes are probably the hardest because to maintain… so why not start small? Ā What small change can you make right now? Ā It can be as small as you want… do you want to learn something new? Try new recipes? New make up? A new hairstyle? Dress differently? Do you want to be around people more? Or less? Get a new job? Move to a new town? Change your relationship?

What little step can you take to help you start to move through that door? It could even be as simple of buying a book secondhand or even looking a recipe up online… or stepping into the gym for the first time! Ā WhatĀ new thing would you like to try and what is the baby step to start you on your way? Ā Feel free to comment and share with us!

This also brings to mind an email joke I received some time ago (and found onĀ http://www.jakesjokes.com):

“Flood ShmudIt was flooding in California. As the flood waters were rising, a man was on the stoop of his house and another man in a row boat came by. The man in the row boat told the man on the stoop to get in and he’d save him. The man on the stoop said, no, he had faith in God and would wait for God to save him.

The flood waters kept rising and the man had to go to the second floor of his house. A man in a motor boat came by and told the man in the house to get in because he had come to rescue him. The man in the house said no thank you. He had perfect faith in God and would wait for God to save him. The flood waters kept rising. Pretty soon they were up to the man’s roof and he got out on the roof.

A helicopter then came by, lowered a rope and the pilot shouted down in the man in the house to climb up the rope because the helicopter had come to rescue him. The man in the house wouldn’t get in. He told the pilot that he had faith in God and would wait for God to rescue him. The flood waters kept rising and the man in the house drowned.

When he got to heaven, he asked God where he went wrong. He told God that he had perfect faith in God, but God had let him drown.”What more do you want from me?” asked God. “I sent you two boats and a helicopter.”

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead ♄

Ā© 2012 Michelle Payne


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