Refuge

07/11/2015

Although I’ve mentioned the charity Refuge briefly on this blog before, this charity does such much needed work that I think it should be highlighted again, and also because the Charity covers the same subject matter that I work with as a volunteer counsellor at a local charity… that of domestic violence and abuse.

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Deliberately hurting, harming and damaging another person shouldn’t happen, but it does. Most people don’t want to acknowledge the existence of such abuse, but it affects so many that every single human being is likely to know at least one person who has experienced a form of it. I mentioned some personal thoughts here when I spoke about choosing this charity to fundraise for with my Triple Continent Challenge.

When people talk to me about domestic abuse, they often have the misguided and wrong belief that it only occurs when a person physically hurts another, such as punching and kicking, black eyes, broken limbs or, a bit further down the scale, torture or murder.

No.

Yes the physical abuse happens. Way too often. But domestic abuse isn’t just this.  Yes, it often does include physical violence, but what about sexual abuse… the partner who has been “conditioned” to never say no to sex? Who is shared with that partner’s friends… pimped? Or worse?

What about financial abuse? All money taken away, no financial support given, not allowed to get a job which could gain the victim some financial freedom?

What about emotional abuse?

Psychological abuse?

Where the victim ends up not knowing what to think, believe?

Where they are repetitively told… conditioned… to believe that they are worth less… worth nothing… that they deserve the treatment they get, that they create it because if it wasn’t for them not doing some thing “right” (such as dinner not on the table at a set time, the cat or dog making too much noise, towels not in a straight line, the children not being quiet, the weather… raining outside… the list is endless!) the abuse wouldn’t happen. It’s not about what someone isn’t doing…

Manipulation, fear and intimidation that is created to maintain control and power.

And this happens across all cultures, all societies, genders, sexuality, income levels, types of relationship, ages.

Just because there are no bruises, doesn’t mean it’s not happening. In the UK the stats are around 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men who experience domestic abuse and/or violence. Horrifying numbers. And people don’t speak up, don’t speak out. It’s seen as shameful and weak to have somehow gotten into such a situation in the first place, let alone put up with it for whatever reason (threats of death, children being snatched, taken into care, pets being hurt, being stalked, hunted, not able to survive, no money, no help, no support, no friends, no family, no home, no job)…

Two women a week are murdered by their partner or ex partner, three women a week will kill themselves because they feel they have no other way out from the hell that they are living.

There is help, but it takes a huge amount of courage to take that step forward… a leap of faith… because to everyone else that abuser may be a charmer, wonderful, kind even… because no-one else knows what goes on behind closed doors… because you might not be believed…

and this is where Refuge (in the UK) can help.  They have a helpline which is available 24/7, 7 days a week. They have refuges so someone daring to reach out and escape will not be homeless on the street.

If you or someone you know is experiencing any form of domestic abuse and/or violence, please get in touch with them.  The Helpline number is: 0808 2000 247.

If you want to know more about domestic abuse, the work that Refuge do, fundraise for them, volunteer with them, or if you need help from them, then please visit their website by clicking here.

Have a great Friday and weekend folks, and perhaps give a hug to someone who needs one!
Michelle

© 2015 Michelle Payne

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You

26/08/2015

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You

You are…

who
what
how you choose

to be
to see
to feel
to believe.

What others think
or want to see
or you to be
is irrelevant.

They don’t wipe your kids tears from their eyes
they don’t look after your parents when they’re sick
they don’t cuddle your pets

they’re not the ones who…
live in your body
feel your emotions
think your thoughts.

It’s not their face looking back in the mirror
it’s not their life you are living
so why should you adopt
their hopes
their dreams
their wishes
their demands
their fears
their beliefs?

You are
wholly
totally
unique
in this world.

How wonderful that is!

Your Heart
Your Hopes
Your Dreams
Your Abilities
Your Possibilities

Your Amazing Potential.

You are your own home.

Make your home loveable
liveable
comfortable
warm
accepting.

After all
it’s where you will be
for life.

Words: © August 2015 Michelle Payne
Photo: 123rf.com


What is Hell

25/03/2015

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What is Hell?

The word
it conjures
red flames and heat
where fears abounds
and Pain is all.

There a devil sits
upon his throne
wielding a mighty club
denouncing sinners
as they run amok
and have a ball.

But this is just imagery
unknown
no science
almost a cartoon
a visual…
held in minds
pinned by Fear
a place to visit
or be cast
for when we think
our last breath will have eventually passed.

But what if it is real?
What if it isn’t a dim and distant land?
Swathed in mist
obscure and hidden
a place, if we’re honest
most don’t think we will ever see or visit
let alone dwell in its’ darkened depths!

What would it look like
… if it were real?
What would it contain?
Would it have colour
or be black, white, even grey?
Be a cacophony of noise
movement and pain
drudgery with no play?

What if it were pure emptiness
silence
a hole in time
suspended
amid absolute nothingness
a total absence?

No feeling
no breathing
no warmth
no hope
no life giving spark.
Just…
a total and utter void?

What if those we know
our friends
our loved ones
in their minds
were in this place?
Stuck
alone
no light
no happiness
no inner glow.

Would you then think
maybe even consider…
what strength
what courage
what amazing skill
it takes to live?
To breathe
to choose to enter each day
each affray?
Pushing through
existing
trying
looking for a ladder to climb…

Out from a pit
a hole
a cavern
a place so deep
just imagining it
could make you want to weep?

Would you listen?
Would you hold?
Would you dare to be bold?
Would you open your heart
open your mind
offer your soul?
Give those who suffer
a brief respite
by acting as a buffer?

What if Hell indeed is a place on Earth?

Words © March 2015 Michelle Payne
Picture: 123rf.com


Standing Strong

03/09/2014

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Standing Strong

Tell me my friend
how do you stand so strong
when the world is in chaos
when things go wrong?
Where do you find your strength
the courage to hold on?

At what point do you say
that’s enough?
At what point
does life get too rough?

You emblazon the sign of hope
but when is the end reached
on your emotional rope?

At what point do you crack?
When does it become too much?
Why do you not lash back?
Or let go of the hope that you clutch?

I watch
I wonder
I try to exemplify
just what I hear
I see
the example you give
the standards you set store by.

Then one day I see you cry
and instead of asking why
you let your emotions flow
reliving moments
where you felt an emotional blow.

It took quite a while to see
that letting such emotions flow
was a form of maturity.
That not fighting
not blaming
not shaming
can indeed set you free.

For strength and power
is not always aggressive
to be silent and not shout
doesn’t mean you’re submissive.

And eventually, one day
when years may have passed
don’t be surprised
if someone comes up to you and asks…

How do you stand so strong
when your world is in chaos
when things go wrong?
Where do you get your strength?
How do you hold on?

And when this happens
when their world is so dark
when they are losing heart
what wisdom would you then hope
or wish to impart?

Words © August 2014 Michelle Payne
Picture found circulating freely online


A Life to Create

23/07/2014

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A Life to Create

How hard can it be
to relax and let go
to say that’s enough
there’s nothing to prove
or put on show?

There is a time to push
to strive for more
but also a time to stop
to say No
I’m feeling too raw

To soften doesn’t equate to being weak
it can remove inner barriers
open your mind
help you find answers that you seek

Being hard doesn’t equate
to always being strong
There’s no specific line
No definitive right or wrong

So much in this life
we are told that we need
but what is your soul crying out for?
On what does it feed?

Money
Results
Work done at high speed
Or is it just
that your soul
needs you to see
the self laid open
Flying free?

But in this life
many don’t seem to care
so how can you trust
open up
share?

Where do you sit
What could you shift
What do you want to change
and within what range
between the one side of hard
and the other of soft
where you don’t have to fear
being scoffed

What step can you take
to give yourself a break
to let go of anger
of judgement
of self hate?

Which could lead
to a chance
to begin again
where self-acceptance
is no longer in vain

For new decisions to make
A life chosen
A life you can create.

Words © June 2014 Michelle Payne
Picture found circulating freely online


Kiva – Loans that change lives!

08/12/2012

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Charitable Organisations

One thing I’m looking to create on this website is the Resources section which will include, among many companies, the charities and/or organisations that I personally support… and yes, that does mean with a regular financial contribution.  Each one has an ethos that I absolutely admire… contributing to society with effects that ripple out and touch others’ lives across the world, not just for today… but for generations to come.

Each one also epitomises the ethic that I have as my byline… helping others to help themselves.

The first one I’m blogging about is Kiva.

So what’s it about?  Kiva is basically a non-profit organisation that, through the use of the internet worldwide, gets everyday people like you and I, to club together and each lend a very small sum of money to people or groups across the world in third-world countries.  As is stated on their website:

“We envision a world where all people
– even in the most remote areas of the globe
– hold the power to create opportunity
for themselves and others.”

I say lend because the money is repaid to you.  Yes, there is a risk of default.  Yes this happened to me ONCE.  I’ve been a member since October 2007 and have made 17 loans so far.  So considering those stats, once isn’t bad at all, especially when you consider how volatile some of these countries are.  And of course, once that money has been repaid to you, you can re-lend it to someone else.  It’s not just individuals either, there are also groups which get together, who commit to paying back whatever they borrow as a team, so if one person gets into difficulty, they all step in and help out.

So why do I do it?  

Because I can.  Because I have choice in my life.  Because at the end of the day I believe in walking my talk, not just talking it.  

I believe that if we are in a position to help others without detriment to ourselves, then not only do we have the opportunity before us that will help us to grow, learn and evolve, but that morally, we should.  Not by saying the right things, not by putting a plaster over a wound, but instead by choosing to be part of something that empowers people, that allows them to make choices for themselves, that yes, they have to work for and will take the responsibility for of their choices and actions.  To actively help to bring about positive change in others’ lives.  This of course is my personal belief, what anyone else thinks and eventually acts on, is down to their own choices, beliefs and ultimately, their responsibility.

No, I may not know what actually happens in someone’s life as a result of my actions in “contributing”, no I won’t get (or expect) any kudos for this… but since everything we do, think about and respond to, ripples out and affects others’ lives, isn’t it good to know that you’re actually a part of something bigger than yourself, that you are doing something and that that may bring survival, hope, joy, happiness or even just a roof over someone’s head… and for that, $25.00 is a very small price to pay!

What’s stopping you from helping another?

Kiva’s website can be found by clicking here.  If you are already a member, please do share with us your thoughts on the organisation, and if you choose to join, let us know why 🙂

Namaste

© 2012 Michelle Payne


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