First session



First session

The door swings open
a face then appears
an arm ushers you in…
you want to turn back
as your head starts to spin.

You enter a room and notice
a sofa, a chair, a table
you choose, you sit
your stomach starts to churn…
more than a little bit.

They smile and sit down
bring out some papers
their expression holding a slight frown.

Form filling
factual questions
the word “confidential”…
it’s not what you expected!
Where’s the warmth?
The confessional time?
Why are they not giving you
advice straight down the line?

And then it begins…
an invitation
please tell me
what brings you here?
What would you like to offload?
To share?
What burden do you bear?

Their tone isn’t cold
nor their stare bold
instead, a slight leaning forward
soft words
a smile..
and then you know
you realise
you may be here a while.

You glance around the room
evaluate and wonder…
what if you make a blunder?
Who can hear?
Does everyone feel this fear?

How much should I share?
Why would they even care?
Where should I start?
My god…
calm down…
my racing heart!

A breath, a pause
another thought.
Will I be judged or mocked?
Will they be blase or just plain shocked?

The tears begin to well
the hands go all sticky
by now the stomach feels just plain icky!

Then you decide
even thought it’s unknown
and feels hit or miss
you take a deep breath
and jump into the abyss.

I’m here because…

Your face floods red
your stomach pounds with dread.
You battle the feeling of creeping shame
where you have long held a belief of blame.
You lower your gaze to the floor
and out of your mouth
the words start to pour…

Words © August 2014 Michelle Payne
Picture found circulating freely online


Affirmation of the Week



Well, although we seem surprised in the UK to yet again have been awash with rain, this affirmation is actually going to post while I’m on holiday! And unless something drastic happens in the world, I’m pretty much guaranteed some of that bright yellow gleaming orb in the sky during daylight. Days and days of sunshine, of warmth and no doubt many ice creams, cool drinks (which will no doubt include some cocktails thank you very much) and for those around the world who are enjoying summer and/or sun at home, perhaps some barbecues on the go!

Oh how we have longed for the sunlight… to be able to shed those thick bulky clothes, to stop carrying our umbrellas for fear of an unexpected downpour (actually I have been doing that for the past week)… to be able to leave our windows open and let fresh air in… to have the kids play in the garden… to use the paddling pools, the slides, the trampolines… to wander around our parks and rivers… to get out in nature and sit on green grass… and of course let’s not forget that it’s strawberry season (although yours truly isn’t reaping the full bumper harvest since the chickens have discovered they actually like fresh grown plump red strawberries… cue the theme tune from The Great Escape!).

Of course we all know that we should be careful in the sun and especially when it’s so hot… dehydration, sunburn, blisters, heat rash, insect bites & stings… are all things that can blight us if we’re not prepared or can’t be bothered… “gleaming” would be one description that could result… screaming another! And yes, the sun can be villified when things do go wrong. So let’s look on the bright side… (yes, I’m sure some of you are now humming away to Eric Idle’s voice in your head)… the sun helps our bodies create Vitamin D… and I also heard that we only need 20 minutes in the sun, without sunscreen (sunscreen will stop Vitamin D being made)… here are some benefits I found via Google:

Strengthens your immune system-critical to stay healthy and reduce likelihood of serious diseases such as cancer

Moderate sun tanning 100% safely

Up to 30,000 Lux – Most effective treatment against SAD in the UK

Energises by conditioning pineal glands

Aids sleep

Aids detoxification of heavy metals

Stimulates blood circulation

Sooths joint and muscle pains and aches

Relief from fibromyalgia and arthritis

Helps to lower blood pressure

Promotes healing of various skin conditions

Stimulates Vitamin D production

Deeply relaxing and warming

And of course let’s not forget some more important things… it makes us SMILE, it LIFTS our hearts and emotions… helps us feel JOY, RELAXES us… what beautiful gifts indeed.

Yet when temperatures do rise here, all you then hear and see are groans, gasps and whinges about how it’s too hot, too sticky, too humid… how people wish it were cooler, less bright and that their appetites have gone. Sometimes, I swear, we humans really don’t grasp when we have it fantastically good!

So let’s appreciate what we have, get outside and enjoy everything we can about the Sun. After all, we’ll all be shivering in our coats come Winter!

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead ♥

© 2012 Michelle Payne

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